i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
