i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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