new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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