i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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