Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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