dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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