The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
