I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
