maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it glows. i had to have it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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