I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
