My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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