The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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