i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
