Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
