Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
