What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
