I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
