I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
