That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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