I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
