Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
