In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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