Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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