life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
