my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
