I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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