she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
