i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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