I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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