I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
