seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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