Are we in a gay sports bar?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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