Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
