It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
