someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
