pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
