just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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