i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
