I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
