So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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