so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
