cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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