I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to sanitize my soul.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
