If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
