I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No I am not eating basil off your cock
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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