Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
