This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
