Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
