I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
