I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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