Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
