Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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