a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
